We're not going to explain why. You already know. Deep down, in a place you don't talk about, you know.
Fact 001. It contains episodes. Multiple. Back to back, if you let them.
Fact 002. Zero doctors recommend it. We didn't ask any. We just have a feeling.
Fact 003. Side effects may include: having watched it.
Fact 004. Legally and lovingly distinct from any show you may be thinking of.
Fact 005. This website is the only known cure. You're welcome.
Fact 006. Studies are ongoing. The studies are us, thinking about it.
Fact 007. You've made it this far without watching it. Don't ruin the streak.
Citizen statements
"I was going to watch it. Then I didn't. This website works."— Citizen 0041
"I printed this page and taped it to my television. Nothing has happened since. Perfect."— Citizen 1207
"Ten out of ten. I do not know what this is."— A grandmother, allegedly
Frequently shouted questions
Q. What is Never Watch iCarley?
A public service announcement with a domain name. Some call it a parody website. The bureau calls it the minimum required response.
Q. Is this real?
It is a real website about a fake concern. That is the safest combination available.
Q. What if I already watched it?
Sit down. Drink some water. Tell no one.
Q. Surely once is fine?
Once is how it starts. Ask anyone. Actually, don't ask anyone.
Q. Who runs this bureau?
Concerned citizens with a domain name. That is all you need to know, and frankly more than we intended to say.
Q. Can I give the bureau money?
There is a store. We are as surprised as you are.
Official bureau merchandise
The bureau requires funding. Bureaus famously do. Shirts, stickers, mugs, and hoodies bearing the official seal are now available through proper channels.